he thought i was a dude.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
