I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm at about main and main street
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
