I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
