would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
