i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
