I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
