I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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