Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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