I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
