OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
