Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
