I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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