Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
