shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
