is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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