I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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