Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
