would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
