we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
