I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dual....:-)
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
