I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize