Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I FOUND THE LEGS
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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