how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
