Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
