she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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