I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
