all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
