i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
