Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
