I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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