I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
