i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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