I can't breathe out the right side of my face
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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