i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
