I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
