Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
