I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
