I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
