If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just pee around me
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
