Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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