I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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