Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
