Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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