it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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