take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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