how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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