i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
