So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
