I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You have to summon your inner elephant
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
