I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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