I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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