The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
