So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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