I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
