you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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