you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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