Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
