Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
