2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
high people should be assigned attendants
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
