i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She told me I should be a condom model.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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