Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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