break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
