On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
