D3 body, D1 cock
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
