I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
