remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
