My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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