oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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