sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
