i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
