Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
