I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
