she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize