So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
