I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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