he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
