john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
