Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize