i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
How naked do you want me to be?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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